tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18879090497524246132024-02-07T04:42:40.169-08:00The Dunamis ProjectWhen life looks you in the eye - and you feel like you'd be happy to take on the challenge.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger132125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-14777487822806784462019-06-08T18:51:00.000-07:002019-06-08T18:51:30.852-07:00all the sins we see
He raped me. My friend, sweet and gentle, said it straight out like she was talking about the movie we'd seen not too long ago together. I remember I was instantly angry. Did you report it? I asked. She snuggled her new baby son to her, we could hear our husbands downstairs in a life and death Mario Kart match and she shrugged. No. It was so long ago, he went to the same church as me. BesidesUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-56457793886650175792019-01-01T10:15:00.000-08:002019-01-01T10:15:04.276-08:00GSA's The Last Battle
Over the past few years, the issue of Gay Straight Alliances and their connection to Christian schools has one that has caused ripples of concern in many communities determined to stand toe to toe with the Alberta NDP government. It has come down to theology vs. politics, and the fight has centered mostly on small, rural Christian schools, as well as with Catholic districts uncomfortableUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-17569928309466481262018-12-23T13:49:00.001-08:002018-12-23T13:49:42.862-08:00Fallout I've had anxiety my whole life. Thinking about the symptoms, and when and where it started is impossible. I've been anxious as long as I can remember. On the anniversary of the day that I was diagnosed with lymphoma, I had a panic attack. It was intense, and took hours to recover from. Over the following four weeks, I experienced several more. The symptoms were becoming immobilizing and allUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-11514779019904167622018-10-22T14:59:00.001-07:002018-10-22T19:31:50.192-07:00My Lymphoma JourneyLooking back on this past year I sometimes feel like I am looking back on someone else's life and experiences. According to how doctor's measure lymphoma remission, mine started just after my final chemo treatment was finished in April, and so I've technically been in remission for around six months, but it feels pretty new to me. I've had lots of time to think and reflect and wonder about it allUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-58804122781490939322018-10-05T10:31:00.000-07:002018-10-05T10:31:05.241-07:00Not the Most Important Thing
Life goes on. I think that’s the beauty of it, tinged
perhaps, with a bit of sadness, a bit of hope, but ultimately joy. I find
myself standing in a strange place. Two roads diverging in a wood maybe? My
scan is coming up this week, and next results. I’ve been feeling really good –
and I take it as a reason for great hope. There is a question that has been
rolling around through my head, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-79867072391157243092018-09-16T21:04:00.001-07:002018-09-16T21:04:18.822-07:00What do we say to the god of death? Not today. In case you're wondering, that's what we say - not today, according to George R.R. Martin and me lately.
Over the summer I had the opportunity to meet up with a dear friend. Having experienced significant illness and challenges herself she asked me an interesting question. "Do you relate to the term "survivor" as it connects to cancer? Does that feel a bit militant to you?" AtUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-24858462867132046982018-08-21T20:55:00.001-07:002018-08-21T20:55:56.770-07:0090 Days
My last set of test results were not what I wanted. They weren't bad results, thank God, just really not what I wanted.
I'm not a great wait-er. I'm the one who goes and buys my kids Christmas gifts, and I can barely wait until Christmas to give them. I want to charge in the house with the Amazon boxes (God Bless Amazon), and let the kids rip into them right there. But - I know - then Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-25112577761401256122018-06-24T10:52:00.003-07:002018-06-24T10:52:33.199-07:00When Death Looks You Bang In The Eye
I'm in a strange place. I finished my six cycles of chemo in March, after which I had a PET scan and my Dr. told me I had a "complete response" - which I was later told is like going into remission. After that, I participated in an eight week drug trial. Tomorrow I will be having another PET scan, and hearing results on Wednesday. After that I'm...done? free? all of this on track to be a Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-69877643318772287782018-03-11T15:56:00.001-07:002018-03-11T16:02:03.309-07:00Bald Faced Beauty
Do you want to know what my first thought was after it finally settled in that I had cancer? I said, (I hope not out loud, but I can't be sure) So, I'm going to be one of those women - those bald women, and the thought of it sank my stomach like a stone. Now, I'm not known in any way for my hair, but that mess of weird, fine, directionally challenged, daily exercise in frustration on my head Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-51576332732799734732018-02-13T20:08:00.000-08:002018-02-13T20:09:58.596-08:00What Makes Brave?When I was little, one of our favorite things to do was watch movies. Old, new, it didn't matter - and my favorite, of course, were the heroes. The characters facing all manner of trials, who had to be brave and strong and who would inevitably overcome whatever it was they were facing - and emerge triumphant by the time the credits had a chance to roll. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-1715145592337611842018-01-15T11:56:00.000-08:002018-01-15T22:05:47.888-08:00Everyday Miracles
Miracles don't always look like we expect them to look. Of course, I'm not going to stand here and claim that God doesn't send instant, life changing miracles our way - because I would be flooded with examples otherwise, but I think more my argument is - that God is really working miracles all the time, well before we know that we need them - sending them in ways we don't expect.
For example Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-86914986999359440002018-01-04T13:48:00.003-08:002018-01-04T14:02:25.571-08:00Someone To Blame...
Have you ever wanted to blame someone for something? To say - the
reason I am going through all this pain and agony is because of YOU, or even
ME. At least I can point the finger, narrow it down and say THIS, this is what
caused all of this and now i'm going to avoid it.
Just recently I have met a young lady who miraculously has gone through exactly
what I am going through right now. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-36496881150716963892017-12-21T19:56:00.001-08:002017-12-21T20:02:18.272-08:00Fight Like a PremieJust before my first round of chemo, we were driving through a parking lot and saw the bumper sticker that has become my mantra, fight like a premie. Being born at 32 weeks, it seemed like I knew something about fighting when one is literally helpless. That's how I feel most of the time - helpless.
There is nothing that I can do on my own to fight this disease in my body, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-44845449213746139462017-12-03T13:53:00.003-08:002017-12-03T13:53:43.191-08:00For the love of finding MeOk...so I can finally kind of say it - I have cancer. Actually, it's easier to say, I have Lymphoma because that's some how not as scary. But, a very clear distinction has developed for me - I am not cancer, nor am I defined by cancer. I am Jana. This is my current physical struggle, but it isn't who I am. Somewhere between staring at my steroid bloated face, imagining what I'm going to look likeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-71665516600045186482017-11-19T15:27:00.003-08:002017-11-19T15:28:11.542-08:00The Search for Light, on the Darkest Day of My Life
It's never easy to tell someone that they have cancer.
That's what the thoracic surgeon said.
I wanted to assure him in that moment, it wasn't easy to hear it, either. The overnight thirteen hour episode that had led up to that point had been the strangest, most frightening, and surreal thing I had ever experienced. The hardest part though, was that he was talking about me, and not Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-16286835182932608802017-10-15T20:44:00.001-07:002017-10-15T20:58:16.080-07:00Black Olives for Papa
I don't remember a time when John Ganzert wasn't a part of my life. As a child, learning and trying to pick up cues to understand and be a part of the adults in my world, he was always a constant, steady presence. I knew he loved me because though he maybe never said it, his actions never gave me any reason to think otherwise.
Recently the adult in me has been a bit frantic Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-48456103580827461122017-06-01T11:22:00.002-07:002017-06-01T11:22:59.377-07:00On a Journey I'm still on...
I'm finally ready to make a truthful confession. I haven't been to church in a year, and I haven't even attempted to find another one. I'm not backslidden, I don't hate God, I don't dislike the church, I have just stopped going. I'm not going to lie to people any more, to tell them we're "in a transition", or that we just didn't "fit" into the last two churches we were in. I honestly can't Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-45143773508675146692016-10-15T22:05:00.001-07:002016-10-15T22:05:27.776-07:00The Silence of Shame - Thoughts on Normalized Sexual Assault
The resounding cry from women in the past few days: that sexual assault happens more frequently than we'd all like to acknowledge. That the reason sexual assaults are under-reported, is because women are afraid that they won't be believed and in reading some of the more aggressive, angry comments, they haven't been.
Several years ago, I participated in a study for women who Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-86832936119197115552016-09-30T21:32:00.006-07:002016-09-30T21:32:55.980-07:00The Trouble with Blessin' Gettin'<!--[if !mso]>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-19156001763880345662016-06-21T13:26:00.001-07:002018-01-04T13:18:15.636-08:00Religious Disallusionment and the Rise in Snake Oil Sales
Lately I’ve found myself to be on a faith journey. It’s not one I started deliberately, and from where I stand now, it’s more than a little uncomfortable. I feel like I’ve climbed about halfway up a cliff face, and knowing what I know now, I can’t go back down, but pushing ahead looks like it’s going to be a challenging climb.
I grew up in an Evangelical Christian environment, with roots Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-16523725814436708312016-03-13T14:16:00.001-07:002016-03-13T14:34:26.099-07:00The Power of Disagreement
People disagree about things. Actually, that's an understatement, people disagree about everything, mundane - is the dress blue or white? major - politics, religion and everything in between, but since when does coming across someone who disagrees with me, rather doesn't agree with me exclusively mean that they must then hate me? Hater.
Whoa - wait a minute, isn't that a leap? Just when Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-18454970318696206822015-09-09T09:18:00.000-07:002015-09-09T09:18:13.042-07:00Outside the Lines
I have never met anyone who is Transgender before. So, maybe I don't get out much, or maybe it's just that I...well, mostly don't get out much, but, a couple weekends ago our neighborhood church (not the one we attend, but one who has, notably, on more than one occasion taken the time to show that they care for our community) was having a multi-family garage sale. They invited Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-83569145363180813122015-05-21T13:43:00.000-07:002015-05-21T13:45:04.084-07:00Working Girls
If you live in a home with small children, you've probably had "the talk". You know the one, the one where you and your husband lean against the kitchen counters, arms crossed, each thinking as the dishwasher hums and swishes away in the background. From your vantage point you take in the landscape which typically includes, a sticky but unidentifiable substance dripping from the table, a Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-69436519803107589002015-02-02T11:36:00.003-08:002015-02-02T11:46:26.431-08:00That thing I don't want you to know about Me.Just the other day, I realized that I had passed a significant anniversary for me. It's not one of those anniversary's you really celebrate, like a birthday, but instead one you pass in a kind of reflective contemplation. For me, it was both happy and sad, happy that things are now the way they are...but sad because I spent so many years screaming.
It was how I knew to cope. I am not Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1887909049752424613.post-14133907635281700242014-12-10T10:47:00.003-08:002014-12-10T10:47:41.932-08:00Return to MeIt's complicated.
In the past 30 years or so, I failed to develop much in the way of self worth. I learned how to fake it, a smile and a happy heart. But secretly I believed that I only had what I had because I'd managed to trick people into thinking that I would be a good wife, good mother and good employee - and if I was good enough, I would be able to hold it together. This is the storyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0