Spiderman Backpacks and Indoor Shoes: Notes from a First-Time Nervous Teacher-Mom

1. My Baby

I remember when he needed me for everything. Eating, drinking, pooping, loving. EVERYTHING. Forgive me when I over zealously protect him, or eye other small kindergarteners suspiciously, and loudly demand to you that he is clearly a genius. It's all a cover for the fact that, I'm a little sketched out about the truth that I know in my heart as a teacher - he's ready to learn to do things on his own.  He's ready to learn to read novels and write literature and to solve complex equations, and change the world.  But I know something as a Mama, I never knew as a teacher before - he'll always be my baby.
 

2. Look at that Face

When he was about ONE, I seemed to think that things like Kindergarten and friends, and school aged childhood was a millennium away.  Please understand that this has all cropped up on me kind of quickly.  As a teacher, I never really thought about that before - but it's a big change for families who, up to this Sunny September morning, have always just been at home, safe and always protected.  Be patient with me, but when images of childhood rejection, frustration and hurt fill my imagination, I wish that he could have stayed this size forever so that no one can ever hurt him.  As a teacher, it is an important part of my job to teach students to treat each other with love, kindness and respect that they will take with them into adulthood.  SO, I know you'll do that too - I know.

 3. Too Cool

I want to tell you how neat he is.  How he says the funniest things, the sweetest things.  I want to make sure you know that he is so creative, so interesting, and so intelligent. I want you to know that I crave each moment of the day that I get to spend with him, and I'm a little jealous of you.  I'm jealous of the little moments that I'm going to miss, now that he's with you. The moments that might not be quite the same when he tells me about them later.  But, as a teacher I know that you treasure things too.  That they are the moments that build up a career, and give you the ability and strength to go back day after day, and bring light and learning to a new set of brand new learners every year.  I'll know it, when he goes on and on about how wonderful you are - his Kindergarten teacher - and know that he is learning and growing and changing.  

4. Precious/Precocious

Believe most things he says, and deeply question others.  

I promise that he does more than play wii all day long.

When he corrects you, or defends his pen grip, or reminds you about something that you forgot to do, or tells you I already know that...remember that I thank you in advance for your kind smile, and the eye roll you kept in your head.

If during carpet time he keeps getting up and leaving the circle to fight invisible villians behind the play house - he comes by it honestly, and is compelled by his imagination to take action. 

 

5. Helping Hands, Willing Hearts

I promise that when he's had a difficult day I will listen and not be defensive.  I defer myself to your expertise.

I promise not to always blame the other kid. 

I promise to listen with an open heart, to hear what you have to say, and pay attention to your recommendations.





 

6.  First Kindergarten - then the WORLD.

Maybe it's just nerves because this first for me, and for him is the beginning of a LOT of firsts.  It is  unequivocal evidence that he is growing up. His future - his adventure is what he needs to chase now.  It is just the start of me letting him go into the world, letting him experience new things and do things without me.  To fulfill the purpose that God has for him. I'm glad that I have people like you to help me along. 

His little hands stole my heart...and his little feet ran away with it.

Consequence Road

Lately when I get up in the morning and those stressed out little thoughts that push at the back of my mind start up, You didn't get a call yesterday, School is starting in a few days - what makes you think they'll call you? All those people who told you this is where you'd be, we're right. Don't you wish you'd listened to them.  It's hard to remember when this happens that this is what I chose. I chose to walk away. I know why I chose to walk, I think it was because I finally decided that I am worth something - and no one person is going to make me feel otherwise.  But, that's not always easy to remember when I stare things like possible long term unemployment, making ends meet, and watching my dreams  fade to the background for another year, in the face. 

But, I've been learning something.  To risk sounding cliched - it does seem to be about the journey and not the destination.  There are things I want to accomplish in my life, places I want to visit and goals that I want to achieve, but today is just one step.  As I cuddled with my kids on the couch, I felt new hope.  I enjoyed being with them, and even though it's not achieving one of my big dreams, I achieved a small one.  Every now and then I like to look back to my past self, and send a message from my future self.  I looked back at the past self that was worried that I would never have children, or a family, and I said to her - look what you've been blessed with.  So, maybe, sitting here there's a message from a future self that tells me the lyrics of my daughter's current favorite tune.  Don't worry. Be happy. May as well be happy - the alternative kind of stinks.  

Consequence road isn't necessarily a bad road to walk.  It doesn't seem to be a steady walk either, emotions present themselves as  a consistent challenge, and there's always that sense of entitlement or jealousy, and self pity, not to mention the nagging concern that I've put myself into a hole I can't get out of.  But, I'm starting to realize that's just a step along the journey.  The adventure is out there, and maybe, just maybe it doesn't look like I think that it does.  I forget to easily that God is the one who makes the difference, for me and for everyone else.  I don't understand what exactly he's working on, but it's something, and it's made up of moments that count.  Moments that will make the dreams better, the goals richer, when they do come. I know I'll appreciate them more, and I think that's a blessing.

Legacy of the Unwanted

Being a daughter isn't as easy as it looks.

Dear O,

Do you know that I wanted you, even before I knew if you were there? Even before I felt you move, stretch and kick at the boundaries of your dark, warm, snug world, I wanted to hold you. Did you know that we come from a family of beautiful, strong, intelligent women? That imprinted deep on the fabric of who we are, is grace, laughter, and compassion? We come from a legacy of women who have never had it easy, but who never give up - accomplishing many things in the quiet, dignified strength that women come by as a gift of our creation.

Sometimes, my Love, history is difficult to hear, hard to imagine.  It is something I am just learning myself recently, that our family actually isn't perfect, or always right.  We've done things, unintentionally or not, that cause wounds and scars, my Mother's Mother, my Mother, and me. In our brokenness, we've learned lies to be truth, I'm not wanted, I'm not worthy, I'm ugly, they go on, but I am here to tell you, they aren't true. Because we all wish that we could reach into the past, and correct the mistakes we've made, I want to get an early start on things, before the future becomes a past I can no longer change. Hurts run deep, my little one, and we can give excuses for hurting people, or brush them off as nothing, or hide behind them, but the problem is, those hurts can shape who we turn out to be.  Healing takes time, and though we are blessed that this healing has begun for us, it is my hope that you won't have to go through a healing process, like the one we have been experiencing.

Do you know that one of my favorite things to do when I was growing up, was listen to my Nona tell me stories about how things were for her, growing up? They made me laugh, I remember, but the thing about the past is, that we talk about the laughter more - letting it out, so that it floats around us, and holds us.  It gives us a sense of humanity and connection, but I think in some ways, it makes the hurts bury themselves deeper and deeper into those dark places in our hearts.  I can't admit some things, saying them out loud feels like they might make my chest explode. Always know that you can speak those things to me, that I will never judge you.  I can't always promise that I will understand why things happen, or be able to explain why you are hurting, or that I will even be able to make it better, or go away, but like someone once said to me, speaking it out loud takes its power to hurt away. I'm learning that judging a person, particularly someone close to you, leads to anger and resentment. But, when we can see each other in the broader perspective of our humanity it makes forgiveness something we can offer, when we're ready. Not easy, but necessary as we reach for freedom.

Here's the good part.  God has blessed our family. He saw my Mom, your Nona, in the midst of her hurt and circumstances and he loved her and wanted her more than anything in the world, and he met her - and saved her life forever.  She introduced me to Him, and I will introduce Him to you as you grow. Because the truth is, not only are we wanted, we are loved and cherished by Him. Do you know how much he loves us? He even brought my Nona, your Great-Grandmother to Him through my Mom. Why? Why take up the broken lot of us? Certainly not because of what we can do for him, for no other reason except that He loves us. He has changed things for us, we are found and not forgotten.  We are not left behind, but remembered.  We are important enough that He recognizes things happening in our lives like birthdays, and weddings and babies, he even pays attention to the smallest requests we make, like I'd really like fresh flowers on the table when guests arrive - and THAT happens.  In this we can realize the truth. We are not unwanted - it's actually the very opposite of that.  God wants us so much that he can't hold himself back - in fact he sent his son Jesus to earth to sacrifice his life so that we can be put in right standing before God.

My Dearest O, the legacy of the women of this family is strong.  The legacy of our family is Christ, his love and freedom in him.  Remember that no matter how this world tries to shape you, or change you, that is the truth. 

Love always, my precious girl,
Your Mama

Five Best Things about a Vacation from Uncertainty

5. The world is bigger on the Open Road...

There's no place like home.  It's true, but as much as home is safety, security, family and friends - it tends to be a small place where it's easy to focus on my own life, and it's ups and downs...it's a place where wondering what exactly I'm going to do come September, can be overwhelming.  

But, packing the car to the brim, loading the kids up with Gravol, DVD's, and dinner of champions - pretzels and popcorn, and driving into the sunset lets me leave home behind, just for a little while. It's easy to forget the future and live right now when the blue mountains are edging over the horizon.  

4. Where the heck are we? 

In our excitement to get away, we forgot to check which hotel we would be spending the night in, when we reached Hinton. After a great deal of debate, we had to track down some open wifi before we were able to get ourselves settled in the Hotel we'd booked for the night. 

It wasn't the hotel I thought I'd booked. Lakeview Inn and Suites in Hinton has this awesome continental breakfast that is more like a real breakfast than a continental one. We accidentally booked at Days Inn, where they had a more typical continental breakfast, however, when I looked into the fridge at some of the available options I actually did not recognize the item that was supposed to be "breakfast sausage." 

But overall, it turned out to be a nice stay. It wasn't what we were expecting, or what we were looking forward to, but it turned out to be alright. It's sort of what I am thinking for this time in my life.  This wasn't what I was expecting or even where I wanted to be.  In fact, my plan was to hold onto my job until another one came along - and the harder I tried, the more things just didn't go that way. But, it doesn't mean that things are finished, or falling apart, it just means that the path is different from what I expected. 

3. Honey, did you pack my boxers?

Inevitably when I am in charge of packing I forget something, even in spite of the several lists I continually make. I usually remember, right when my husband looks at me with imploring eyes over his backpack, that I did indeed forget something that is HIS. 

It's a good opportunity to beat myself up for not paying attention, or to try and blame my forgetfulness on someone else.  Without fail, my husband usually just smiles, and shakes his head.  He gives me that look that says, really? Then he improvises, he never gets upset with me, or says anything unkind. It's more like a game for him, to see how long it will take into our trip to figure out exactly what I've forgotten to pack.

I think that in life we put huge expectations on ourselves, and when things don't go the way we plan, we spend the time being self deprecating.  I have a strong tendency to put myself down and be critical of my own attempts at getting things right, instead of just smiling and laughing it off.  Something I've noticed is that life often offers second chances, and those first attempts, where I feel like I have screwed everything up, help me out when a second chance rolls around.

2. Reality Sticks - Hope Slides

There's nothing like being in a tent during a thunder storm.  Nature is sharing the same air, in all its loud and pounding glory, and the only thing that is protecting you is a remarkably thin layer of canvas and plastic poles. Yet, the tent held strong, and the rain just slid down off the sides. 

Reality means sticking things out, even when they look bad.  It's not always easy to face, and it can sound really frightening but in the same breath, if I can let myself go from the fear and embrace the adventure of being stuck in a tent during a thunder storm, the experience becomes something completely different - exciting and kind of exhilarating all at the same time. Reality means dealing with what is in front of you, for me, it's finding a new job.  But, as I am very slowly able to change my perspective about finding a new job, and instead of seeing it as terrifying, and I start to look at it as something of an adventure I start to feel hopeful - excited and exhilarated about the future.  

It makes me remember that good things really do come my way, more often than I recognize, and though the waiting CAN be agonizing, it doesn't have to be.  Reality gives me a daily choice, and since I'm waiting anyway for things to work themselves out, I may as well choose to be happy and enjoy life while I am waiting. 

 


1. Love, Laughter and Family

I love family - and all of us getting together one weekend out of the year has become as important to many of us as the big celebrations like Christmas.  We all congregate in the remote area of Green Lake BC and let the eating, playing, talking and laughing commence. It's a three day party, and though our lives go in thirty eight different directions all year long, in coming together to refresh ourselves, it doesn't take much time at all to catch up and start to enjoy one another again. 

It's this kind of support network we all require.  I always find that there is a wisdom and history about the people around me that let me know that no matter what happens, everything is going to be alright.  Bad things happen to people - this weekend alone consisted of one tumble off the dock, a few scraped knees, a stomach bug, one relay race crash, and a completely removed toe nail (Which made for an interesting and informative lesson on bandaging). But, in each of these instances people emerged from their painful moments with smiles and positive attitudes, not letting anything get in the way of the palpable fun in the air. 

So, bad things happen, but when there are people around who can lift you up and support you, an outlook can be changed in an instant. Having positive attitude doesn't mean that you don't have to face bad things, it just means facing bad things in a different way.  Everyone has problems in life, you can't escape them, but the way that we face them makes all of the difference. 

It's a Love Story

There is supposed to be something magical about being eighteen.  I'm not really sure what that is as I study my reflection in the oblong mirror of my parents basement bathroom.  I wonder if people look back on eighteen with the same kind of nostalgia as they do on the comforting smell of their Mother's perfume on a shirt she doesn't wear anymore, or in the way that chocolate ice-cream in a cone tastes better outside on a hot summer day, than it does in the winter. Those are the memories that somehow push past the limits of real life.  I haven't felt the magic of eighteen, it seems more like a roller coaster than anything else.  I reach for my brush, and run it through my long, mousy brown hair that I like to pretend is more of a deep mahogany.  I debate the merits of a ponytail versus just pulling my hair partially back.  I wonder if he'll notice - if it will make him want to kiss me.  I've never been kissed by anyone before.  

I happily remember how Jack smiled at me the other day.  It was from across the room, but it was like I felt him catch my eye, and his looking at me pulled a smile onto his face.  Was that what love felt like? That little blush of excitement deep down in the pit of my stomach?  It was strange, I'd known Jack since the first day of grade ten, and we'd gone out for coffee before - we loved to talk to each other, he saw the world in such a different way, and I liked flirting with him.  It was like I was the only girl in his world when we had coffee together - even though I knew I wasn't.  I didn't know much about his other "girls" unless they were having problems.  But, mostly Jack and I talked, and flirted as if they never existed.  It was special, it was just him and me.  I wasn't sure if I loved him, or liked him or if I was just feeling a little desperate to latch on to some good memories of home.   I would be running away to the real world just as soon as August began to change her emerald greens for the rich rubies and golds of September.  Wasn't the time to fall in love, now or never?


I told my parents I was going for coffee with a friend.  It was easier that way.  I could avoid all of the questions, especially the unasked ones.  It's like once puberty descends on the unsuspecting, all our parents want to know is who their in-laws will be.  Sometimes when I tell them, just coffee with a friend - they don't bother to ask, or worry that I am running off with some boy.  I wish they knew I have better sense than all of that.  Seriously, it isn't my long term goal to be in labor by this time next year - but if I tell them I am going to coffee with a boy, I'm telling you it runs through their minds.  Its taken a good long time to build Jack up to the "friend" status, my parents don't really suspect him any more, but I've been out with him a few times in the last month, which is why I went with "coffee with a friend" - again strategic.  I don't want any limits placed on my time with him.  I like time alone with him, I want to see where it might go.


Ok, so let me tell you the truth about Jack.  To everyone, all of our friends, he and I are just...friends.  There's some history of course, we've been friends for a while, and though we've talked about dating, and our feelings for one another, we have a mutual understanding that a relationship wouldn't really be the best for us.  I feel like it's a mature decision, especially for two kids of eighteen.  It's why he's always dated other girls.  It makes me feel special, like we have this secret, even from the girls he is with.  I like being his sounding board, his outlet.  I am better than just a girlfriend.  I said goodnight to my parents, knowing they would be in bed early, and kissed my daddy's cheek when he gave me the keys to the car.  The sun was just sinking behind the rolling, green dressed hills, the hot breath of summer relaxing into the cool, sweet breeze, and the sound of sprinklers on the lawn in the freshness of twilight, put a smile on my face.


He was already waiting for me at the stone picnic table with the best view of the river. He had that blonde hair, and bronzed skin that reminded me of the hot California boys I adored on TV.  His teeth were a bit crooked, and mentally I thanked his parents for never getting them fixed.  If he had a perfect smile he would be way out of my league.  I feel like someone different when I'm with him.  Someone that no one else knows. 


     "Hey Angel-Face," He smiles as he speaks, drawing out his words with a gentle drawl. It's what he's always called me.
     "Hi," I sit next to him instead of across from him, our backs to the table top facing the deep blue of the churning river.  
     "I got your favorite." He says, pushing the iced coffee toward me.  It was my favorite, my heart fluttered happily.  He remembered.  I smiled at him, enjoying his lingering gaze on me as I sipped my coffee.  
     "So, did you decide when you're leaving?" He asked.
     "My parents want me to wait until the 25th, but I would really like to be there a few days ahead of time.  You know, get my bearings." I stirred the coffee, rumbling the ice against the side of the plastic glass.
     "Why do you want to go all the way to Vancouver? Don't you know it rains there like all the time? Do you even own an umbrella?" He nudges me with his elbow.  I smiled.
     "I can't get a degree in cool around here," I joke back.  I like his easy manner, the way he slung his arm behind me while we sat, but not around me.  
     "Oh, please.  You're looking for your MRS degree, and we both know it." 
     "Hey, if I'm not supposed to accept the first offer I get, I probably better start getting some offers lined up." I bite my lip and raise my eyebrows at him, expectation clear on my face.
     "What if the first offer is the best one?" I like the way he smells, like a guy, I guess, earthy and sun-kissed.  Girls just don't smell that way, at least not to me.  
     "Nothing is off the table." 
     "Well, if that's the case, and you're considering all offers equally, marry me, Angel-Face." I laugh, and lean into his shoulder.
     "What about Lisa?"
     "Oh, well, I'll tell her eventually." He promises with mock-sincerity.  
     "What do you think she'll say?" I ask. Lisa lives in another town, I've never even seen her.  It's better that way I think.  It's more like she doesn't really exist. It helps me believe that I'm the only girl for him. Unattainable and so, irresistible.
     "She'll say that she always knew, you know, deep down like girls do.  Intuition or something, that my heart always belonged to someone else." 
     "You might get slapped." I warn him.  He nods slowly, his lips pursed.
     "I suppose it would be time to take my place among the romantic heroes of our generation.  Getting slapped is a mark of the lover." He moves closer to me, his arm behind us tightening slightly around my shoulders.  The air is cooler, and I pull on the jacket that I remembered to bring.  The lights across the water are just starting to blink on, they aren't needed yet, but I like the dim glow they create, reminding me that night is coming.  When it's just the two of us, it's easy to let the world melt away, easy to believe that we do love each other, and that we'll always be together.  "So, what do you say?" He asks, his voice quiet, close.
     "If I say yes, what then?" I rest my hand over his. This is what we're like when we are together, natural.
     "Well, I'd buy you a little house, and come home to you every night.  I'd make sure it overlooked the river, we could sit outside and look out on it just like this. We will make all the babies you want, as long as they are girls and look like you." I laugh, tucking my knees up to my chest.  
     "But don't you want to run away and see the world?" 
     "Why? I'll never find anything more beautiful than you." I am suddenly aware of how close he is. I've lost my sense of whether he is still teasing, playing along with an unattainable fantasy, or if he's serious.  We aren't supposed to be serious, I'm not used to that. I hop to my feet, reality putting some distance between us.  He's watching me, a bemused smile on his handsome face. 
     "Come on." I say, offering my hand and gesturing to the tree-shaded path.  I love the way the old trees have grown up over the path, like a canopy beneath twinkling stars.  I can see the golden glow of the iron-cast lamps along the path, and it feels magical, like we're in London or Paris instead of plain-old British Columbia.  He takes my hand, and we walk, our fingers linked together, listening to the rumble of the river below us.  
     "You're really going to leave?" He asks.
     "I have to." I say, equally excited and scared by the thought of it.  What if he meant it? What if I didn't have to leave? Face the world? What if I could stay here, with him, forever.  It's tempting. In spite of all of his accolades, I know that he may be the only man ever to think I'm beautiful.  Should a girl snatch that up when she gets the chance? Looking out over the future with nothing but uncertainty, regret isn't something I'd like to have in my repertoire.  I may never meet anyone else - there is always that possibility.  It would be sad, I think, never to have this again.  "Why don't you run away with me? We could build our house on the bank of another river." I say.  I'm not sure when his fingers interlocked with mine, but I wrap my free hand around his arm and lean my head against his shoulder. 
     "But there aren't any other rivers like this one." He says, sweeping his arm out toward it. I know he's right, in one way. The city lights dance on the water, with night closing around us.  It is warm, and the potted flowers smell like summer.  The river, however isn't a friendly one.  It's not the kind that bubbles over little stones, or sings to the trees in the woods.  It's like a Siren, deep, dark, seductive in its purposeful movement, enticing me to stay.  I am trying to imprint this moment forever on my memory, but the more I try to compress it, it slips away like sand through my fingers, and I know that I will always be able to recall the river, and will never remember it exactly right. I feel him behind me, close, pressing into my back, his chin leaning against my hair and his arms circle my shoulders.  My heart swells, and my stomach knots.  He shouldn't be this close, he has her, and she would be angry to see us like this.  Then I remember that he and I together is not real, it's just a fantasy and I relax into him.  He doesn't say anything, and neither do I.  It's like we understand somewhere down deep, that this is the last time we will love like this. Maybe it's just infatuation, but you'd never say that, you'd never say, it's the last time we will infatuate like this.    

I know that it's getting late. So I turn back toward the way we came. Reality demands that I work in the morning, that I pack to get ready to leave.  I need to be ready.  But, he stops me, his hand gently on my arm.
     "Tell me why it wouldn't work, Angel-Face." It's a demand from a fantasy.
     "You know why." I say, willing him to be lost in the deep pools of my eyes.  Challenging him to come up with a better answer.  It's a conversation we've had before, and I know that here is where it ends.  But not this time.  He is leaning against the railing, the dark, swirling water behind him and I am caught in his arms.  They are around my waist, not just hugging, but holding.  Not only is he reluctant to let go, I don't want him to let me go. Letting go, means falling into something new.  I don't know if I want the old to end. 
     "I could love you," He says. "I think I could, if you didn't go." My fingers are playing with the zipper on his jacket. He feels solid, warm beneath the material. 
     "I know." I say. His hand brushes over my cheek, and I lift my face to his touch.  I know he's going to kiss me, even before he does. It's late, and we are pressed together as if by the moment.  He brings my face to his and he kisses me, gently at first and then in a strange desperation to cling to one moment.  I think we both forget about what's real, and live that moment in the fantasy.  When we step away from each other we know it will be finished. All of it, the talk of love and our fantasy, and so we stay there for a while, in each others arms.  But eventually, we move to leave.  We walk back together in silence, and say our goodbyes.

We never talk about that night.  I move on, and he stays, right there, always by the river.

From Beginning to End

 Life is so precious. Unfortunately we often don't take the time out to focus on that, being caught up with the busy-ness of the moment.  There are times that stretch out for me, months and months where everything seems to remain as it always was.  Then there are weeks like the one I've just had - that seem to be about the big things of life, the beginnings and the endings. 

My dear friend got married this week. I have seen her wait for the right man, pray for the right man, and now marry him.  I love weddings, the way families and friends come together.  Weddings offer such a beautiful hope for love, and for the future.  I could see the love clear across the face of my friend and her new husband - and it reminded me of something that I sometimes forget.  I still love like that too.  Weddings are the greatest celebration of the bringing together of two lives with an expectant hope looking forward.  Of course no one can guess what a marriage will bring them, my spirit is refreshed in an atmosphere of expectant hope, joy and love.  It was the same with my friend's wedding.  I know that I can't promise my friend that everything will always be perfect, but that seed of hope and joy will grow into something beautiful.

The endings are harder to explain, and difficult to understand,when the people we love are gone.  There have been a few this week, some I am not so connected to that make me angry or sad because of the injustice and the cruelty to the family.  But, one in particular has broken my heart.  She was a wonderful and kind lady, with a gentle heart, a sweet spirit, and a beautiful laugh.   I don't understand her passing, only that even in the midst of sadness and tragedy, God still loves us.  He doesn't cause bad things to happen, but we can cling to him as we walk through them.  I suppose in this way, endings are important too.  It all forces me to remember that it isn't about the little things that crowd around and demand attention.  Instead, it is more about the opportunities I am given to listen to people, to help people, and to love them.

Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story no one on earth has ever read, which goes on forever; in which every chapter is better than the one before.  - C.S. Lewis

 

This is the Life...

Sometimes I forget that I am a member of the elite.  I forget myself, and get scared of things that might make my life sad or uncomfortable.  Things that make me want to crawl away and hide myself, protect myself from the rest of humanity - and live selfishly and horde things to myself - as if that will offer some barrier to the world. I forget that the life I have, is unattainable for some and impossible for others.

When I stop to think about it, I remember that I was born in a society, wanted and valued.  Growing up I was encouraged to live my dreams, loved and supported while doing it.  I have been told to speak my mind, that my thoughts and observations are important.  I am loved by a husband and family, in a way that makes the wealthy pale in comparison.  When I saw this documentary trailer, it made me angry, and so sad.  I felt helpless, and so very small.Why am I so blessed?

I don't know what the answer is.  I don't know how to help, or what to do...not yet. I do know it starts with something small, a small sacrifice that maybe you can make too.  A sponsorship, a volunteer...something.  It's useless to sit around blaming myself for being born to privilege, I was so that I could help.  So that I could be a blessing to someone like me - who just happens to live a world away.

It's A Girl - Documentary Film