Wednesday, 1 January 2014

ME: By Design

I'm not one for New Years Resolutions, I think it could be because I hate when they end up to be empty on me.  Lost somewhere in January when I finally delve into a bowl of pasta, or eat a third handful of the chocolate covered raisins in a kitchen raid.  Now, I'm not celebrating an unhealthy lifestyle, and believe that every day I need to be taking steps to be healthier in soul, mind and body but I saw something tonight that made me take pause. 

I often torture my husband with questions like, "Do I look fat?" or "Does this outfit make me look stupid?", you know those questions that really don't have a safe or positive answer. In fact, they are only questions spoken out of that hole of insecurity, that place of not feeling like quite "enough." Tonight, due to a small hiccup with Netflix, I was stuck watching ET Canada's New Years "Nip-Tuck" special.  What I saw made me both envious and sad.  Envious because I can relate to the desire to LOOK perfect, and what if I just had the finances? I too, could look like them. THEM. Those thin, perfectly shaped, beautifully sculpted women who were the main patients subjecting themselves to painful surgery in order to be perfecter? That's what made me sad. Watching these beautiful women say, after their surgeries, that now they have "so much more confidence". What?? I wanted to shout. Do you hear what you're saying? I think it was about then I realized something. Even if there came a day where I did look like those women - absolutely beautiful - I would still not feel that way because it is all surface.  

I don't think that I will ever stop caring fully about what I look like, or how I appear, because I don't think that's the answer - changing the way I look at myself however would be time better spent. Over Christmas I've had time to reflect on what's really important. Like the tears that come to my eyes now as I explain to my kids that I'll be going back to work soon - which is what I've been after since the day I stopped, but here I am all emotional about having to go back.  On Christmas Eve we got a call from my Dad's work, telling us there had been an accident. I can tell you, as our collective breath was sucked out of the room my thoughts were only with my family, and how I could help now. Praise God, my Dad is going to be alright, but wow, my focus changed in an instant and I could tell you all of the things that were important, my hair, my weight was the least of them. 

So t0 2014, I'll be looking for the blessings, for the good, loving those around me with words, and knowing that I have been created by the living God, to be Me. I'm not saying it will be perfect, but I have started to think that perfection is overrated. Once something has been declared perfect, it has to stay that way, unadulterated forever, or else it falls so far that status can never be reestablished. So to you, my dear friends and readers, look at your design with purpose, hope and joy.  Remember that God's love and miracles come in the everyday little details. 

Happy 2014. 

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