Sunday, 2 September 2012

The Flip Side

When I woke up last week on Monday morning, I told myself, if I don't get a phone call today about a teaching job, it's not going to happen.  I told myself I better buck up, get used to it, and stop analyzing myself and asking the question, "If you aren't a teacher, then who are you?"  No one phoned, and it was an awful day.  I panicked, and convinced myself that I needed to find a job - ANY job, because when I am in control what can go wrong? I had a fight with my husband, who wanted me to be patient, to hold on and wait and see how things played out.  I kept telling myself that I didn't understand why he was holding me back - I can SOLVE this problem, and if no one wants me to teach for them, I'll be a receptionist! After all, I've always kind of wanted to be a receptionist. (Strange, but true fact) I was upset about money, and kids, and questioning every decision I had made over the last month.  

How important was it again, to stand up for what was right? What difference does what is right make, when you are fighting to pay your bills on time? Who was I? No one.  A stay at home Mom - who gets angry with her kids, who had failed at her career, who had never chased her dreams of being a writer, and who is still at 30 years old looking in the mirror and criticizing her appearance. On top of that roiling around in my brain, a quick phone call to a place where I had put in a resume had been answered that all the positions had been filled.  They hadn't even looked at it.  Not a happy moment all around.  It was in the midst of this that I was upset with one of my kids for doing something that probably most kids do - and looking back in retrospect was more my problem than theirs - I realized something.  It was going to be a LONG year if I didn't put all of the negativity aside.  Someone had given a word in church the day before saying something to the affect of, "Stop looking at the clock and letting your fear and anxiety grow - God's timing is perfect.  Get yourself into the place of peace and patience." Here I was, doing exactly the opposite, and I thought to myself - today is the day that I need to enjoy my life.  So, I played with the kids for a while. I started feeling better, even though no one called that day.  

No one called Tuesday, or Wednesday either, but on Thursday right before lunch I got a call from the very place who I had figured hadn't even read my resume, and they wanted to talk teaching.  For the third time in my life, I walked into a job interview and out with a job. Never fails to overwhelm me. This is not the place that I expected to be.  On my way to the interview I prayed, God - if this is you, it needs to be a job that I can do - that i've had experience with.  If this is you, it needs to be exactly the right amount of pay.  If this is you - you need to provide daycare for my kids, in a place where I'll feel that they are loved and safe.  I also prayed, God if this is you - you need to get me there.  I'm not great at finding places with just a map, and on Thursday I did.  Each and every one of my requests to my Heavenly Father were not unheeded.  I was offered a job that I have had previous experience teaching, I was offered EXACTLY the right amount of pay, I found a day home randomly with a woman who shares my beliefs, and where each of my secret wants in someone who takes care of children were checked off one by one.  

I couldn't have put that all together if I tried. The God of Creation who loves me, did this for me.  He loves you, and he would do it for you.  I don't believe in happy accidents.  

Bring on the adventure!

all the sins we see

He raped me. My friend, sweet and gentle, said it straight out like she was talking about the movie we'd seen not too long ago toget...