Monday, 2 June 2014
Every now and then, I stop, look around and take stock of things impacting my life...
- The expectation that I should be a certain kind of wife and mother
- The complacency to allow my children to be raised by and overrun by a defective society that would ultimately shape their future
- The assumption that I should be able to have any material thing that I want
- The presumption that I should be able to have and dictate Christianity on my own terms
I could shrink back in fear, be overwhelmed and ultimately say - "Well what can I really do?" Give up and that's it. But, as I was considering that option, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought You are willing to admit immediate defeat, when you haven't even suited up for a battle?
I am not Super Mom, Soccer Mom, Hockey Mom, or any sports-related kind of Mom. I am not Skinny Mom, Organic Mom, Helicopter Mom, Brainy Mom, Tech Mom, Buddy Mom or Pushover Mom. I strongly believe that my children should have boundaries, like behavioral expectations that they can understand, set bedtimes, family chores and mealtimes, times when I know they will react negatively to a decision that I have made, or they may downright dislike me, but that they ultimately know my decisions in regards to them are because they are the most important human beings in my world. I am responsible for them, not accountable to them, and that means being proactive. Developing a relationship now, that's not always flowers and rainbows, but that creates a protection, a peace, a security in this realm that we call home. So that down the road when the things that come that would shape their precious hearts and minds, they will know it is safe to come to MOM to get some kind of wisdom about it.
My van has a crack in the windshield. The pipe that connects our sink to the basement is defective and clogs and leaks at least once a year. We have closet doors that will literally fall off and smack you in the head if you aren't opening them properly, and there is a constant battle between us, the ants and the weeds that inhabit our yard. It's easy when I focus on these things to look at all of the things I don't have...and want. Like a newer home with newer appliances, built in a newer subdivision, with a bright and shiny car parked out front. So, when people ask where do you live, I don't have to hang my head and say - a duplex...IN BEVERLY....The compulsion to buy, buy, BUY, can set me into distinct turmoil. But, from now on, I refuse! Yes, I know we are having a third baby in a home that doesn't have a third bedroom, but it's time to get my priorities in order - to stop believing the advertising! A new house won't make me happy, or take away the obligations and pressures of a mortgage and taking care of a home. It doesn't matter if people judge me by the van I drive, it's MINE, free and clear! I am happy to work for the things that I want, and in the meantime be grateful for the things that I have.
As a Christian, it's about time I grow up and learn that this life isn't actually all about me. It's about Christ, and living my life for him. It means that I don't have the luxury of being offended, I have the obligation to forgive - as I have been forgiven - even when I don't understand. It means that instead of judging people, that I must love them, and look for ways that I can serve them. God isn't my Genie that I rub up against now and then when things aren't so convenient for me - and ask him to grant all of my wishes - he is my savior who wants a daily, personal relationship with me. It means that I will stop crucifying other Christians, that I will stand up for what I believe in - while loving others, and that I will not expect my pastor or my church to live out my Christianity for me.
For the next fifty-two weeks or so, I am embarking on another life journey. I am having our third baby, and it means more time at home building relationship with my husband and children, and trusting God to walk with us through each day. I am expecting such good things, and knowing what I want, and how I am determined to live gives me challenges enough to fill the next year. It's not about perfection, it's about a sweetness of spirit and a determination to change, be proactive, and LIVE this great life.
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