Saturday, 27 August 2011

The Wavering

It has occurred to me that in very short order I will be changing the way that I do everything in my life.  That's not something I like to do in general.  I like it when things stay the same, and there is the temptation to simply sit back and let my life go by.  To continue the way I am would be the easiest way to kill myself, and to do that by eating myself deeper and deeper into obesity.  By staying on this path I will effectively destroy my spirit and self esteem. The reason I eat, is to make me feel better, I struggle with my self esteem - and don't feel beautiful, and so I eat to feel better, which results in me gaining weight.  It's a vicious cycle. Not only that, I am so focused on food, instead of what is important that I am missing out on what God wants me to do and to accomplish, and teach my children.  Change is my only option, and yet, it's interesting that I am experiencing feelings that want me to run back to what is familiar.  Feelings that tell me that I will never be able to eat what I want to eat again, and what is there that's better in life? I guess I need to find that out. I have some goals, and some dreams in mind that I can't even verbalize yet, because I am still shaky on whether or not I'll get there.  I am determined to try. I am determined to be able to tell the difference between hunger and a craving.  I am determined to understand the why Christ sees me, and what he thinks is possible for my future.  I will see this healthy eating plan as an opportunity.  I will see the things that I can't eat as permissible but not beneficial to my body. I will learn how to take chances and to live my life instead of be a slave to it.

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